Attachment Theory and its impact on parenting

It fascinates me that the main aspect of attachment theory is the notion that attachment is a vital part of our development, a concept which isn’t ever in question. Where attachment, in the context of child protection, seems to fall down is the impact it has on parents who experienced poor upbringings and therefore poor attachment. That parents who were themselves subjected to poor parents, through no fault of their own, repeat the pattern of poor attachment themselves because they too have failed to develop meaningful relationships, and haven’t been taught to interact with others in a meaningful way. These parents are penalised by a system which is so child focussed that it doesn’t understand the complexities of peoples lives and doesn’t offer resolution of the parents own parenting issues.

We need to understand that attachment is a process which is learnt while very young but can be learnt at any age even in adulthood. This means that for those parents who have experienced poor attachment when they were growing up have an opportunity to develop some understanding of attachment in their own lives. For a parent to explore the impact of poor attachment as a child will give them a better understanding of the impact of attachment on their children’s lives. As they explore the meaning of this and the way it has affected  their life then they are more likely to put the impact of attachment into context.

To receive the message that they are poor parents because they fail to attach to their children is unhelpful and lumbers them with an inaccurate version of their experiences. To view parents as a product of the way they were parented is a more constructive way of viewing their parenting which opens up pathways to explore these experiences and to find resolution which has real meaning.

I wonder what outcomes would be developed if we spent more time and money understanding their experiences and helping them to seek resolution rather than presenting them with negative versions of who they are. A parent who is abused as a child, has low self image because of parents inability to validate them positively, and who were seen as an intrusion in their parents lives, needs to be assured that they can change how these experiences may continue to play out.

Children in care and the Courts

I subscribe to a number of Google alerts, one of them is child protection. These alerts keep me aware of what is happening in the world of child protection around the globe. What I have discovered that it doesn’t matter where you live the same problems we experience are happening in the four corners of the world. An article I read tonight is worth reading and raises more questions than are answered. You can find it here.

What this article tells us is that it is the poor who are the bad parents. That in the US, even though there are 500,000 children in care, and only 6% to 7% have experienced sexual abuse, two third come from poor families. How’s the next bit that tells us that 40% could have been returned home at the end of one week and 60% within three months. Are these figures known to the authorities? Do those in Families SA know how they damage the children they are suppose to protect often more than if they remained with their family. What is the percentage of families who are re-united with their children and those who are re-united are they done so within a three month time frame?

I love the idea that we should open up the courts for public scrutiny and hopefully make those who implement the laws more accountable. It is not possible for any one to enter the Youth Court and as I mentioned in a previous post some one can point their finger at you and tell the bailiff that you are a potential witness and without checking the accuracy of the statement the bailiff has the power to restrict your attendance in the court. Some one told me today that the Youth Court has no rules. Those who play in this court generally, are a completely different beast from those who play in the other courts. Of course what this means is that the court can be used to gag and stifle discussion which may be helpful in changing this abusive process. So who is benefiting from this cone of silence.

It seems undemocratic, dare I say it, un-Australian, to have an institution sanctioned by government which sits a part from government and which fails to question the nature of child protection and the credentials of those who are authorised to protect our children. Those  who work in the court system blindly accept what is told them by un-credentialed and poorly trained professionals. Those of us who are appropriately credentialed who face the court system are seen as the enemy and treated with contempt. The system remains unchallenged and those who maintain the system get to live in a state of ignorance while dispensing blind justice.

I am certainly feeling angry today. Does it show?

Social Work and the “cold shoulder”

Today I was asked by a client to attend court with her – to offer support. This was fine by me she hadn’t yet found a lawyer to represent her in the youth court. Another lawyer bailed on her and she was needing a little moral support as she faced another round of emotional abuse at the hand of a system which is more inclined to look after itself than it is to consider how others are interacting with the system.

As I was waiting in front of the court room I was informed by the bailiff that I wasn’t able to enter the court because I was likely to be called as a witness. Now this is true and I certainly understand the reason for this but when I saw the client’s social worker from Families SA go in I thought “now that doesn’t seem right”. Even though it hadn’t been decided whether the case was going to trial at this point. An insignificant but vaguely relevant fact. If I was going to be a witness for this client then I am reasonably sure that the social worker in charge of this case is also going to be called as a witness. Social Workers are always called to talk about the reasons why the child was removed. Why is it then was I told that I was not allowed into the court room?

As time goes by I am becoming more and more cynical. Could this double standard be the crowns effort to control by preventing my client from receiving any support while in the court room? Is it possible that a social worker who strives for clients to be represented by whom ever they choose and who understands concepts of equity and fairness and who practices according to social work values, would try to limit and restrict the trade of another social workers? One would hope not.

Then there was the cold shoulder. The social worker concerned is someone with whom I have a great deal of respect and believed was a valuable addition to our profession. As she approached me I thought, “Will she have the courage to eyeball me or would she ignore me?” She made every effort to not look at me. A couple of weeks before in a meeting with this same client she also found it difficult looking at me. I am able to understand that I am not the greatest looking guy on earth but I am also not the worst either.

So what is the “Cold Shoulder” really about. Do I make her feel uncomfortable? Perhaps. But why? The last and only time I met with her was in my office about the above mentioned client and I thought it went well. Obviously I misread the signs because it must have gone badly for her. I wonder what I must have said or what impression I left which would have caused someone to give the “Cold Shoulder” with such purpose and zeal?

There are many people who give me the “Cold Shoulder” at Families SA so it is no longer all that concerning. I figure that if I am getting under their skin and causing this sort of response and am basically doing nothing but what social workers are meant to do and what they are meant to do but don’t, then I must have heaps of power I didn’t know I had.

What is important is that each week I work with over forty people and there is not one who would give me the cold shoulder because I know that the quality of the work I do is more than competent and they experience the benefit of my training and skills. I wonder how many social workers with Families SA could make the same statement. So give me the cold shoulder as much as you like. You have no power over me. As you avoid my gaze next time ask what am I doing this for. Think about how silly you look and how unprofessional you are behaving.

Social Work and those who don't like you

As you may already know from some of my previous posts I am involved in working with families of children who have been removed by Child Protection Services. A couple of days ago I was contacted by a TV station to see if I would be interviewed and offer professional comment that will support their story around the dysfunction of the agency which manages child protection in this state. The thought of putting myself "out there" is when I am confronting individuals or small groups of people is fine but where thousands of people will see me is another thing all together. What will I say? Will it make any sense? Will I look like an idiot? It was predictable that all they wanted to take was very small portion to support their story. Talk about five seconds of fame.

It has been lovely how so many of my friends who happened to not blink and see the segment have commented so politely. Now there is one exception to this and this is the reason for this blog. Many years ago I was asked to work with a client of a friend of mine who worked with Families SA. My friend, a fellow social worker, asked if I would work with this client to help him manage some intimidating behaviour. My experience working with men is that often if the desire is strong enough and the consequences significant we can make some significant changes.

There was certainly no doubt he wanted to have his children returned to him and his partner, but his behaviour was so extreme that he kept on putting people off side. He intimidated and bullied everyone he met. The reception staff at the office were fearful of him. Other workers took restraining orders out against him. Regardless of all of this I did believe that he had some genuine grievances against the department and even though he didn't have the skills to express these and acted badly I still needed to express his concerns in an appropriate way.

He calls me on occasions to let me know of his latest efforts to abuse others and that he is going to make people pay for what they have done to him. He hasn't directed this sort of behaviour at me to this point. Well, when he saw me on television he called me within thirty seconds telling me that I was on television because of the support he had offered me. Hold on, this had nothing to do with him at all. Where was all this crap coming from? After a minute of abuse I hung up. Then he called me again and I didn't answer the call and he left a message which was vile and abusive. He has clearly become worse and more obsessed over the years.

A part from writing about the experience I discovered that I was able to let it go. Within five minutes I was able to enter a group I was running and have one of the best sessions I have had for a long time.

There was a time when I would have been hurt by what he said and the intensity of my feelings would have been almost debilitating, but that didn't happen. Regardless of what he said I was able to move on and not allow someones version of me take over and affect me negatively. What I have been able to realise is that no matter how dedicated and professional we are we are not going to please everyone. With the work I have been doing with clients of Families SA and the conflict this produces I now realise that I am unable to change entrenched views. It interests me that some professionals in the department which this client has been battling for years have a very similar view of the world. They are "right" and to be critiqued is simply a no go zone. Like the abusive client, they are not prepared to view other ways of working which will enhance their interactions with others.

It is sad that some can't find ways to stand back and acknowledge the damage their behaviour does to others.

How nice it is to realise that the power is not to be shared with others but it is something which sits inside me and belongs to no other.

Workplace Bullying

For many years I have been working to help organisations face the problem of workplace bullying as well as writing programs which best address the issue. How long does it take before a significant even has to take place before a vital issue such as this becomes newsworthy enough for the media and others to report the damage done from disrespectful and harmful workplaces. Last week the owner of a cafe and his employees were fined a substantial amount of money because of the death caused by them of an employee who was bullied. We know that bullying takes place, most workers have experienced it or seen it perpetrated against others. Most of us though do nothing about it.

By doing nothing means that we are as liable as those who bullied. If there was someone who had noticed the bullying of the young women who suicided then perhaps she would have felt protected from those who were doing the bullying and encouraged to leave. Who knows what the outcome may have been but it could have been different from what eventuated. By ignoring bullying we are saying it is okay and we are putting lives at risk. If we all made a stand against disrespectful behaviour we would create working environments which would be far more productive, fun to work in and enhance our sense of wellbeing.

If only we could learn that to acknowledge that we have hurt someone is not about being a wimp and that asking how you can behave differently isn't about giving up your power but enhancing it. How many managers do we know who practice any of this? If they are not practicing it then how can we expect them to "get it" and therefore how impossible would it be to ask them to change.

I have reflected on cultural change since I worked in Rockhampton for three months to do just that. Unless you have the big stick and the authority not much is going to change. All the training programs you can afford are not going to change entrenched bullying. There is not a program or worker on the face of this earth who is able to change the culture of an organisation unless those at the top are prepared to support any effort to change and model those changes.

More people will have their lives ruined or die at the hands of bullies. It is about time we all did something about it. Say NO to bad behaviour - talk about how it makes you feel - tell them how you expect them to behave - explain the consequences if they choose not to change. You may not be important enough to them for them to want to change their behaviour. Accept that not everyone thinks and behaves as you do. But remember that most people do. Find those that do because together you may have the power to make a difference.

Social workers - who are we?

It is evident, to me any way, that many of us struggle to articulate who we are, what we do and what makes us different from other professions. I wonder why this is so difficult. For a number of years I have been supervising University Students who are on placement and am amazed how many of them are unable to explain any of the above. It is somewhat disturbing that a fourth year student is unable to articulate not only what social work is but why they chose to spend four years towards a degree in the first place. What sort of Social Workers are we producing if they are unable to express what the profession is about and how they practice social work. It is no wonder that the public and other professions have a skewed and misunderstood of what social worker is. A worker for a large federal government department viewed social workers as people who hand out bus tickets to those who can't afford them. For some social workers that may be the total limit of their skill set.

The universities don't seem to value the profession. You don't need a very high TER to make it into university. Not that I see that as bad thing but just think for a moment how the profession would be viewed if we limited places and the TER was say 95? Would a high TER add value to the profession? Would this also mean that we would take more notice of what the profession meant? We would probably become elitist academics who had no idea of equity and fairness.

So what is it that prohibits the inability to articulate the great virtues of this great profession. It could be that no one models them. Perhaps those doing the modeling, back to teachers and supervisors, don't get it either.

Child Protection and Social Work Practice

For some time now I have been working with parents of children who have been removed by Families SA the child protection agency in South Australia. Even though this work has not been all that financially rewarding there is something about this work which represents social work in its purist form. Representing clients who are the most marginalised in our community is what social work is meant to do. In all our work it is about acknowledging the strengths, dignity and worth of all our clients. In this work it is imperative that we use our social work skills to enhance the experiences of people who have suffered the extreme experience of having their children removed from them or being removed from their family.

The work of social workers within child protection is vital because it is about keeping children safe. The childs needs are paramount and this is certainly acknowledged myself through the work I do. However the system and the practice of some social workers needs to be challenged. Here is the problem. This is such a complicated area and one which needs to be understood and critiqued. I am the first to admit that I don't understand all that I can about child protection but I am able to inform my practice in this area by adhering to the basic principles of practice as outlined through the AASW's code of ethics and the Practice Manual. The practice manual states that regardless of the area in which we work the principles of practice remain the same. When offering a critique of practice we need to keep this in mind.

I have been criticised for offering a critique of practice and recently I have had two different clients tell me that they have been told that I have a vendetta against Families SA. I need to be clear here that this could not be furtherest from the truth. The reality is that there are some social workers who don't understand the difference between a difference of opinion and personal criticism. I am open to a critique of my own practice and welcome the opportunity to talk about what I do and why I do it and what it means to the client and the community. It interests me that some social workers from Families SA will not engage in this process. What they seem to do is disengage from conversations and in two instance have refused to have conversations with me about the clients we jointly represent. This has proved to disadvantage the client and prohibited my practice by disengaging with me when issues of paramount concern to the client are not relaid to the clients social worker. This effectively is restrictive of trade and contravenes the AASW Code of Ethics. More of the impact of this in another post.