The following article appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald recently. Read. It reminded me of a client I have been working with over the past three years. For most of that time he hasn’t had access to his two children. His ex-wife has been particularly obstructive. There is no evidence that this man has ever fathered poorly a part from some dubious statements made by the mother. I have attempted to contact the mother so that I could hear her side of the story and confront her ex-partner if need be. She refused to speak to me and at one point was very rude and dismissive. Clearly thought I was the enemy.
What interested me was that the mothers versions of events was seen as valid and the male was simply seen as a nutter. His love and ability to father these children was never an issue but the mothers fear for the well being of her children became paramount even though these fears were not substantiated in any way. Both these parents come with a large degree of personal baggage which eventually caused the relationship to fail. The father worked significantly on his by undertaking a number of personal development courses and contacting professionals so that he cold work on his issues. There is nothing that suggests that the mother had done the same and there is no acknowledgment by the court of the work undertaken by the father.
It seems unhelpful to suggest that the Family Court is more female friendly than male friendly. I would like to think that the court was a little more balanced than that. However what we are seeing here is the same problem I have highlighted around child protection issues. The Family Court will ask for psychiatric reports on the father because the court is told that he is the problem, but there needs to be a balance which says if we are going to have a report on the father then we need one on the mother or visa versa.
I admit that I have worked with many men who because of their level of violence and hostility to their partner I wonder about the wisdom of them having access to their children until they can demonstrate that they understand the impact their behaviour has on others and have found ways to think about their world differently. Almost an unattainable task for some men.
When one thinks about the Family Court and Child Protection it becomes evident that the Family Court lacks an interested in social justice and doesn’t focus on providing tools for people who find it difficult to parent. I accept that this is not the courts mandate and that one would expect parents who are struggling to seek help from the many community and private base providers who can offer assistance.
The Family Court wants to resolve disputes through mediation and often a very hostile court environment but when it is impossible to use either of these methods the system fails. It is admirable that the court is focussed on the best interest of the child but often it appears to be very quick at deciding who is the better parent and in doing so disadvantages one party over another. Often the children are the ones who suffer the most and as in this case will not be seeing their father for many years.